God called me into youth ministry several years ago and I spent a few years hanging out with the teens and helping them find their place in God’s family. Even though it’s been a few years since I’ve done youth ministry, there were several things I learned during my time there that I think everyone can benefit from.
1. The only thing you need to do successful youth ministry is a Godly, caring adult and a Bible. Everyone tries to sell you on flashy programs, using the latest technology, and secrets to get kids in the door. It’s all superfluous. Those things are fun and they may lure kids there that haven’t been before, but you simply don’t need them to successfully reach your goal…introducing kids to Jesus. The flip side of that is all the fancy, flashy programming in the world won’t make up for a leader who either isn’t Godly, or doesn’t care about the kids. If the leader is there simply as a stepping stone to another ministry, is their to inflate their own ego, or is there because they can’t hold down any other job, a $1,000,000 yearly budget won’t keep the ministry from falling on its face.
2. Teens are craving someone who will listen to them and someone they can trust. After your Bible, your next most important youth ministry tool are your ears. Teens don’t feel listened to. They don’t feel like anyone understands them or even cares to understand them. They want someone who cares about them and who won’t judge them or freak out to sit down and hear what they have to say. If you have some Godly advice, they’ll love that too, but most of all, they are looking for validation. You taking time to listen to them gives them that validation. If you offer them that, you will have more kids in your ministry than you can handle. They will bring their friends. Your ministry will bust at the seams.
3. No family is perfect. I remember emailing my pastor about two months after starting youth ministry and asking him how he deals with knowing everyone around him is completely screwed up. His advice…you just eventually get used to it. If you’ve ever worked with any age kid, you know, if you want to know a family’s secrets, you go to the kids. I’ll never forget when we had the sex talk at youth group. There were some kids who were so open with sharing about their parents’ sex lives that I had to stop them and say, “I have to look at your parents when they come pick you up. Please stop.” And if you are that trusted adult that I talked about in #2, they will open up about everything. I had kids tell me about their parent’s porn addictions, the drunken parties their parents throw, how one parent was cheating on the other parent, how their parents slept around A LOT before they were married, etc. Be prepared to have your view of church going families being perfect shattered.
4. More parents than you think are faking the Christian thing. They may put on the happy Christian face when they come to church. They may have the Christian trinkets all over their house. They may say all the right things at all the right times. But once you start to connect with their kids and help their kids find their way with Jesus, all of a sudden those parents are going to turn on you. Why? Because now all of a sudden the kids are developing their own faith and asking mom and dad why they say one thing at church and do another at home. “How dare you tell my child that it’s not okay to_______!” Sorry, lady, it wasn’t me that said it’s not okay. It was Jesus. I just read to them from the Bible. Take it up with Jesus.
5. No matter how much you pour into a kid, they still are responsible for applying what you’ve taught them. I’ve had a kid that was in youth group spend time in prison. One kid got pregnant and is now a single mom, and dad is no where in the picture. One took a nude picture of herself that was spread all over school. I still love them to death, but am I disappointed? Absolutely. I remember teaching them specifically about being a man of integrity, staying pure until marriage, and how a Christian woman’s beauty comes from her spirit, not her body. But they chose to not listen to what I taught. These were even three that I spent a tremendous amount of one on one time with and they still made these choices. This is when you have to cling to God’s promise that His word does not return void. I have to trust that somehow the time I took to teach these kids what God says somehow has made a positive impact in their life.
6. You cannot judge yourself on results. You can only judge yourself on your obedience to God. This is a direct result of #5. So many youth ministries base their success on the number of kids they are reaching or the number of baptisms they do. That is dangerous territory because those numbers can artificially make you feel successful every bit as much as they can artificially make you feel like a failure. Did you obey God, yes or no? That is your only measure of success. I know that can be hard when the leadership of the church is pushing you to grow your ministry or to continue to do things bigger and better, but don’t let those things determine your feelings of success or failure. You only have a few hours with the kids a week. The world has them the rest of the time. And we, as the Church, need to quit thinking that we know what successful means. God’s ways are not our ways. We’ll put it on T-shirts and coffee mugs, but few of us live like it is true. Obedience to God is your only measure of success.
7. You may be making some great friendships without knowing it. Now, when I was doing youth ministry, I would have never called any of those kids “friends”. I had to have pretty strict boundaries if I was going to minister to them well. I was definitely a youth leader and they were the kids I was ministering to. But now, a few years down the road, when those kids I ministered to are in college or graduated from college and getting married, I still have relationships with some of them. Yes, there is still an element of mentor/mentee to our relationships and they know the first question out of my mouth is going to be “How is your relationship with Jesus?”, but there is a new depth of sharing life together that we have because of the relationship that started in youth ministry. I can honestly call them friends. Getting to know them, be part of their lives and seeing them blossom into God-fearing adults is worth any of the unique stresses that youth ministry brings.
Sadly, my time in youth ministry came to an end. God did move me onto bigger things, but at times I still miss it. The lessons I learned continue to guide my ministry today. Flashiness will never mean more than individual relationship. Obedience is the only reliable measure of success.
What lessons have you learned from doing ministry? Share your wisdom below!
Jenny Wright--Blog Home 