It makes me sad that I have to write a post like this, but I hear so many Christians saying dumb things about “non-believers” that I think we could all use a refresher on relationships and being friends with people who believe differently than we do.
1. Relationship should be the goal of your friendship, not conversion or conquest. Yes, Jesus told us to spread the good news, but Christianity is a relationship based faith. Hammering your non-believing friend with Bible verses and “logic” all the time is going to push them away. Be ready if God chooses you as the tool that brings your friend to Jesus, but don’t think just because you have a non-Christian friend that you HAVE to be the tool He uses.
2. The only difference between you and them is that you have Jesus and they don’t. Being a Christian doesn’t make you better than them, smarter than them, or more moral than them. In God’s eyes, you either sin or you are perfect. Jesus was the only perfect one, so you are in the same group with every other sinner in the world. It doesn’t matter how you are disobedient. You are disobedient, period. The difference is you’ve accepted the gift of Jesus as your sacrifice and they haven’t yet. Nothing will ruin a relationship faster than a “holier than thou” attitude.
3. Respect their beliefs even if you don’t agree with them. I have a family member who is a New Age practitioner. He reads tea leaves and tarot cards and calls himself an “intuitive”. I think that stuff is bunk, and not just because the Bible says it, but because I went through a New Age phase before coming to Christ and tried tarot cards and crystals and divination and none of it ever was of any benefit except to the highly suggestible. With that said, though, I respect my family member’s beliefs and his right and ability to choose the beliefs that he feels best suit his life. I care about him as a person and his beliefs are part of who he is. If he ever mentions any interest in Jesus, you better believe I’ll be right there ready to lay my “spiel” on him, but otherwise, I accept it as part of who he is.
4. At the same time, respect your own beliefs. Don’t be obnoxious about it, but don’t compromise you beliefs just because you are around a non-believer. You may think you are making things more comfortable, but all you are doing is showing them that you don’t believe strongly enough in what you believe to stick to it. You’ll look like a hypocrite. And if the time comes when God does want you to minister to them, it will be harder for them to accept what you have to say as worthwhile.
5. Don’t pretend to be perfect. Sometimes Christians think they have to represent Christ to the world and the only way to do that is to act like when you are a Christian, you don’t have any problems. Nothing is more obnoxious than someone who is constantly trying to show you how perfect they are. Your life probably had more peace and joy after coming to Christ, but all your problems didn’t go away. You still struggle with whatever sins you had before coming to Christ. You still get into fights with you spouse. You still have doubts and questions. Jesus doesn’t need you to be perfect. He already is. If you become perfect, you won’t need Him.
6. Don’t pretend like you have all the answers. If your non-believing friend does ask you questions about Christianity, chances are they are going to be the hard questions. It is far better to say, “I don’t know,” than to give an illogical, overly simplistic answer that you had to memorize in Sunday school as a kid. And if you do have the answer to a hard question, treat them gently, listen to their follow up questions and be willing to discuss, not debate, your answer.
7. Listen to the Holy Spirit. The Spirit will guide you in any times that may be difficult. There may be times when a friend offends you because your beliefs are different from theirs and, knowingly or unknowingly, you step on each other’s toes. The Holy Spirit will guide you about whether to let it go or to confront your friend. You should listen to the Holy Spirit in every relationship, but especially when the correct answer isn’t obvious, the Holy Spirit can provide insight that no one else could know.
Did I miss anything? Do you have a story about a relationship with a non-believer that has gone well or gone bad because of faith? Comment below and share your thoughts!
Jenny Wright--Blog Home 